Dear Diary
by The Princess of Pink
Summary: Ginny Weasley has been feeling worthless and confides her demons to her diary. How she's starving herself just for her crush to notice her, how she feels she's never good enough and how she truly feels. A songfic with the song Dear Diary. Depression Anxiety Anorexia and Bulimia. Oneshot


_Dear diary today was a long day at school and I haven't really eaten anything yet today, but, I guess that's good. I just wanted to write some quick before I go off to bed._

Ginny Weasley paused, tapping her quill against the page, daring the words she had written to disappear and be replaced with an answer. After her traumatising experience with her last diary, she lost her trust in keeping diaries hadn't kept one since. But now she needed something, just like she needed attention, something she had been pretty much starved of, being the youngest of seven.

_I'm fourteen and I always feel so nervous, why is it that everyone seems so perfect?!_ _I feel so worthless and they all look so happy. And lately my mood's been so crappy!_

It was true, everyone did seem a lot happier than she was. Everyone had something. Hermione had her brains and amazing marks, Romilda Vane had beauty and even Luna was happier than she was, and she had been subject to bullying for her whole life. And everyone seemed a lot prettier as well.

_And I've come to believe everything that I'm seeing, every single perfect being in magazine, all the girls with perfect bodies and such amazing skin, oh how I would **kill** to live the that they are in. I've been trying to lose weight over the last couple of weeks, thowing up after meals on the rare times that I eat._Her stomach rumbling seemed to be an understatement, it seemed to be crying today, all she had was a lemon squeezed into a glass of water from the kitchens, because it burned fat, other times she threw up in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, so that no one would see her. Well, Myrtle saw but she always seemed too busy crying and wallowing in self pity to really notice her retching in the next cubicle.

_But that isn't enough, I still have to do much more, to get this boy to notice me, people wonder what for?_

Harry. Harry was the one she was doing this for. The boy she had an enormous crush on since she was ten years old. She hoped that maybe if she skinny enough, he would notice her and like her, that was all she wanted. Her stomach wailed again, prompting her write again.

_There's so much room in my tummy, for food, that isn't funny, I don't want to be people's dummy, but either way, I feel dumpy and on days I think, "Oh god is this worth it or do I need some help?_

That was a thought that haunted her constantly, like the gnawing feeling in her stomach, was she actually making herself ill? Was this too extreme of a measure? She looked around every girl in her dorm was asleep. Just one last thing...

_I've been used by guys._ Like Tom Riddle, she shuddered at the memories of being possessed and used to attack and kill things and write horrible, disturbing thing one the wall in _blood_. She still woke up cringing at the memory and how stupid she'd been.

_I've been hurt by girls_. Well, a woman. Umbridge had scarred her hand from last night's detention. _I must respect my teacher_ was branded on her hand and it was still somewhat sore.

_I've been hit by my mum_. Not physically, Ginny was sure her mother never even realised she'd hurt her, but she had said some things that cut deep, even if they were just normal things a mother said to her daughter. A comment like, 'Oh, Ginny dear, you'll never fit into that, it's far too small'

Or when she was she was snacking in the kitchen at home 'Ginny if you eat that you'll overeat at dinner!' Silly things but it all seemed to snowball into something huge.

_And cursed by the world_. Well it certainly felt like that sometimes.

_So I keep losing weight, just trying to be perfect, I'm waiting for someone to tell me that I'm worth it. _Ginny suddenly yawned and decided that was enough, sleeping made you lose weight and she wasn't going to lose much at this rate. She put the book away and closed her eyes, sinking into an empty blackness.

Twenty three year old Ginny had everything she ever wanted she had Harry as a husband and was expecting her third child, a little girl, whom she and Harry had agreed on calling Lily Luna. Lily because of Harry's mother and how she had sacrificed her life for his and Luna because she was a dear friend, she had planned the wedding and even put two empty seats at the front so that Harry's parents could be there in spirit which was incredibly sweet of her.

She was going to sit down when she came across a familiar blue book. She remembered writing in it at fourteen and she opened it up. As she read it, tears started to run down her face, realising just how broken she had been at fourteen. She picked up a quill and began to write her final entry in it, deciding not to stop at all until she was finished.

_I'm twenty three and just came across my old diary, I opened it up, I really don't know what inspired me. But I did and I was instantly in tears to think about lost I was in those young years. And the boy that I mentioned back when I was fourteen? He's my husband now and I guess I'm living the dream. We have large house and two kids(Another on the way) and good life, but my hands are still scarred from using my own knife. But he accepts me how I am and he knows anpbout my past and he tells me that we're going to last. And I love him, I love him, I love him with all my heart and I really couldn't take it if we got pulled apart. If there was one I would say to me at age fourteen, is that you'll find a boy who will treat you like a queen. Don't worry about your size and remember that someone out there hears your cries._Ginny closed the book and put it away. She was never going to forget that dark time, but she wouldn't have changed a bit of it. That had made her stronger and the person she was.And everything happened for a reason, didn't it?

**Author's note:****I found the song Dear diary about a week ago and fell in love with it and I thought that it perfectly defined Ginny in the chorus and her crush on Harry. I did consider Hermione, but it wasn't really her. Did you like it? Let me know in a review, I love reading what you think.****Cya! :)**


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